A Realistic Tribute to True Friendship

Are you tired of those smarmy "friendship" poems that not only litter your inbox, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speaks of true friendship:

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry dude who made you sad.

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you finally proved you're not a social incompetent.

4. When you are afraid, I will deride you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay far away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I reserve the right to point at you and laugh (especialy if you were dancing).

This is my oath and I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; because you are my friend.

Remember, a good friend will help you move, but a really good friend will help you move a body.