Ramones Forever

Immortality is so much better when you can stay around long enough to realize it ...

In that respect, the Ramones endured to at least have a hint it was being bestowed upon them.

Once again, you've got a chance to see why. If you were among the many who missed them in their heyday, you can now relish their legend --- in sound and sight --- with a cleverly-packaged collection entitled 'Weird Tales of the Ramones.' If you have any favorable inclinations toward rock music or pop culture, this is an essential item for your edification and enjoyment. Not only does the set contain 85 Ramones songs and 18 videos, it features an impressive array of works from top pop comic artists, such as 'Simpsons' creator Matt Groening and 'Mad' magazine's Sergio Aragones (there's even a 3D comic, glasses included).

The band probably had an inkling of their icon status in the late 1970s when Rolling Stone magazine named them as one of the seven most important groups in Rock-&-Roll history. However, even then, the relative squalor of their daily existence was threatening to put them in the ironic company of Mozart and van Gogh, two titans of their art whose earthly rewards fell far short of their legacies.

Actually, all the Ramones ever wanted was a hit. They were New York misfits who grew up humming to the Top-40 charts, so perhaps that yearning was understandable. It was yet another irony of their careers, as their ultimate impact on rock music was that of being iconoclasts. They ultimately didn't need the Top-40 to make their presence felt.

A recent movie scene hit this nail right on the head. When Jack Black's faux-teacher character in the wonderful 'School of Rock' diagrammed the influences of virtually every esteemed band of this era on a blackboard for his elementary-school students, the name at the center of that chalked universe was, rightfully, etched in all capital letters: RAMONES. Another indicator of their impact is the lineup of artists who covered their tunes on a 'tribute' album compiled by the late Johnny Ramone and Rob Zombie (if your musical tastes are merely mainstream, he contributed 'Dragula' to the 'Matrix' soundtrack). The album was produced to generate proceeds for lymphoma research, which claimed the life of Joey Ramone. Those who paid homage with their performances were a veritable Who's Who of today's rock industry:

- Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder (who was a close friend of Johnny Ramone),

- U2

- Metallica

- Marilyn Manson

- Tom Waits

- The Pretenders

- Red Hot Chili Peppers

- Offspring

- Garbage

Even glam-rockers Kiss made an appearance, perhaps as a subtle acknowledgement that their own style-over-substance circus act has been well and truly outlasted by the stripped-down sound of the Ramones. Kiss' contribution to the cause, though, may have been to first establish that a group didn't really need a Top-40 hit --- their only noodling of note that made the hit list was a ballad, 'Beth' --- to become financially independent. Merchandising was their meal ticket and years later, that was the route that finally served the Ramones so well. Their first roadie, Arturo Veja, designed a distinct logo and hawked it on clothing and posters at their concerts. The logo imitates the seal of the USA's Defense Department, which in a sense, embodied the essence of the group:

- They were proudly American,

- Their sound was aggressive, and

- Their compact compositions seemed to defend the roots of Rock-&-Roll.

To this day, items adorned with the Ramones logo can be found everywhere in the world. A further show of the band's ever-growing effect on current consciousness is seen in sports, as hockey arenas all over North America have turned the seminal 'Blitzkrieg Bop' ('Hey, ho, let's go!') into an anthem that raised the song's mainsteam familiarity to such an extent that it now provides the 'zeitgeist' attitude portrayed in Pepsi-Cola commercials and elsewhere.

In a way, the Ramones finally have their hit. With the third passing of the original four band members --- bassist DeeDee Ramone --- only drummer-cum-producer Tommy Ramone has survived to completely bask in the belated glory.

Besides the release of the boxed anthology, the other reason to wax poetic about the Ramones right now is the announcement that the Sex Pistols have finally been accepted into the Rock-&-Roll Hall of Fame. To many, they were the clarions of punk rock, but both the Pistols and The Clash owe their origins to the Ramones, who were inducted in 2002, when all but lead-singer Joey were still alive.

The Pistols and Clash were in attendance for the first Ramones concert to rock the UK. Both met the group, who encouraged them to forsake perfection and embrace energy and get their sounds recorded as they were. Even the term 'punk rock' was created in New York by underground diarist Legs McNeil to describe the Ramones (and Iggy Pop's Stooges) as well as the genre that was emerging from the dark shadows of disco, appealing to the disaffected and disenchanted who clung to the late-60s ideal that music still mattered.

One pleasant surprise on the boxed set is the inclusion of a song the Ramones only released in the UK, 'I Don't Want to Live This Life Anymore.' It's DeeDee's melodic projection of the last moments in the drug-engulfed murder-suicide of Sex Pistol bassist Sid Vicious and girlfriend Nancy Spungen. This concise, haunting opus, composed late in the group's career, served to further illuminate the torch being passed, from the influence the Beatles' early songs had on the Ramones --- the band took their name from an alias Paul McCartney commonly used when registering at hotels --- to their own influence on the British scene that grew from their presence.

The Pistols substituted anger for the Ramones' wit, but they still had the artistic 'edge' that all great rock acts possess. They, and so many groups after them --- including Nirvana and Green Day --- took their cue from the Ramones that the music was more than just a catchy tune. Much more. The Ramones returned the music to its adulators by making it accessible again. They hit the raw sensations that powered Rock-&-Roll in the first place.

And that may have been the Ramones' greatest 'hit' of all.

The Game is the Name

Shakespeare could wax poetic about 'What's in a Name?' because he didn't have to contend with sports mascots ...

It's the politically-correct issue in America that refuses to subside. I consider myself to be an enlightened cyberbeing, but I contend there are just some topics that blur the bigger picture of an ethically responsible society, and complaining that mascots can be degrading is near the top of the list.

A quick check of Webster's Twentieth Century Unabridged Dictionary defines 'mascot' as 'any person, animal or thing supposed to bring good luck by being present.' So, it would seem that a team mascot is an honorable title. Most mascots in American sports had their origins in the early 1900s. Back then, teams fumbled around with quaint monikers until they gradually realized the tremendous marketing value they carried. The New York Highlanders became the more regionally-identifiable Yankees, for instance, and the Chicago Cubs took their nickname so newspaper editors could more easily fit it into headlines. Distinguished symbols like Tigers and Giants appeared. Unique features like White Stockings and Red Stockings evolved into the more headline-friendly and spelling-special White Sox and Red Sox.

One of the earliest attempts at humor in mascot-anointing was made by the Brooklyn nine of baseball's National League. Urban legend wasn't a known phrase back then, but it fairly describes the allusion to fans who 'dodged' trolley fares to get a free ride to Ebbetts Field and watch the game. Those 'bums' were called Dodgers, and their favorite team became christened as such.

Ironically, that drift toward the whimsical --- probably intended to portray sports in its proper context as a divertissement of life --- may have been the root of indignation two generations later.

The social upheavals of the 1960s and early 1970s were certainly justified, in my view. Civil rights needed to come to the fore, and the resultant improvement in how all peoples were perceived was a great step forward for mankind. Still, there's a difference between significant awareness and pedantic perception in any movement. Thus, in my view, when certain Native Americans first raised the mascot controversy in headlines of the time, the attention afforded was only due to its being sucked into the backdraft of searing human rights campaigns.

Personally, I've always thought the issue had as much relevance to their legitimate concerns as bra-burning did for women's rights.

Think about it. Native Americans aren't alone in being designated as mascots. In accordance with Webster's Dictionary definition, other persons given the distinction include the Irish (University of Notre Dame) and Scandinavians (Minnesota Vikings). Both of these ethnic groups endured their moments of discrimination in the annals of American history, too. So far, neither has mounted a protest about being characterized as a good luck symbol for a sporting organization.

Don't even try to broach the 'caricature' argument as a reason why the Native American situation is different. Perhaps Notre Dame uses a leprechaun logo now, but the term 'Fighting Irish' was a clear reference to barroom brawlers, a stereotypical low-life trait at which immigrants from the Emerald Isle were perceived to be quite proficient. As to the Scandinavians, there is no evidence that even one Viking was ever so dim as to go into battle with a set of heavy horns on his helmet; why would any warrior charge into a kill-or-be-killed scenario wearing anything that could directly impede his ability to win? (The image of horns came from priests' drawings of Viking attacks, attempting to equate them to the Devil incarnate, and it was Wagner who popularized this image when he staged his epic Ring of the Nibelung.)

Cleveland's baseball team sorted through a number of mascots in their early days. 'Spiders' just didn't have that je ne sais crois of marketing sizzle. They were the 'Naps' for a while, in honor of their star player-manager, Napoleon Lajoie. So, when they finally settled on 'Indians' in correlation to one of their first star players --- Louis Sockalexis, a Native American --- the moniker may not have begun as a tribute to him, but it has since memorialized his legacy. The evidence indicates the term was derogatorily applied to all members of the Cleveland team in the 1890s because it dared to have the fortitude to allow an Indian to play for them. Since then, Sockalexis has been recognized as being as much of a pioneer for minority involvement in major sports as the great Jackie Robinson was fifty years later.

Yes, the team uses a caricature of a Native American as its logo now. In fact, Chief Wahoo is perennially one of the hottest-selling logos on sports merchandise. It far outsells the NHL's Columbus Blue Jackets original logo, which is honoring the valiant Ohio battalion that fought so honorably in the Civil War. We haven't heard historical societies from that great state howling with indignation that this is done by putting a green insect in a Union soldier's uniform. Instead, the odds are they're pleased that more of the North American public has become aware of the Blue Jacket history than ever before, just as the Cleveland Indians can keep alive the memory of Sockalexis.

Some protestors say Chief Wahoo has 'shifty' eyes and that makes him even more demeaning. I, for one, never drew that connection, but if anyone else did, why wouldn't they be laughing and demeaning the Oklahoma University Sooners? After all, that term originally implied cheaters getting a jump on staking claims to land being opened for settlement.

There are many more examples. I simply don't see Native Americans being unduly isolated in this context, and no one else involved is feeling belittled.

The Washington Redskins originated in Boston, home of baseball's Red Sox and Braves in the 1930s. They were also called the Braves back then, because they played in that team's stadium. However, when they wound up getting better terms to locate in Fenway Park, they didn't want to confuse the paying public by being Braves but playing in the Red Sox stadium. Their solution made sense: they incorporated references to their origins and their new game site by changing their name to Redskins. The logic apparently didn't register with enough fans, though, and the team soon exited to the nation's capital.

The point here is that the Redskins name wasn't derived as a slur, but as a facilitation to distinguish the team's new --- albeit transitional --- home. Furthermore, to be fair, the Redskins organization has only used a noble image as a symbol of the name. Washington DC is one of the most liberal cities in North America, with its population's majority consisting of minorities. The connotation of that nickname being demeaning, as in the Cleveland Indians case, just doesn't emerge from its context.

My impression, then, remains that the mascot controversy has its sole value in the publicity it gives those organizations who are raising it. Pro and college sports are more visible than ever in the USA, and what better way is there to affix one's organization to higher 'page rankings' than making headlines in the Sports section of newspapers and broadcasts?

The matter isn't going away anytime soon. Now the NCAA --- college sports' governing body --- has decreed that any university with a Native American mascot can neither host a championship event nor use their mascot in any championship event. Some schools have successfully been granted exceptions, which makes even less sense to me. Does this mean that Florida State's Seminoles, for example, are less demeaning to Native Americans than North Dakota's Fighting Sioux (a traditional college hockey power)? How hypocritical is that? If they're contending that degrees of discrimination exist due to local circumstances, then they're admitting to a targeted sensitivity beyond society's pale, which is discriminatory in itself. How can such a position be rationalized with a clear conscience?

Mascots, no matter how commercialized, are still nothing more than whimsical symbols. Society as a whole understands that, just as it realizes the stylized violence in Grimm's Fairy Tales leaves no lasting scars on the psyches of children who innocently absorb them. Those who claim to the contrary only risk trivializing themselves and the credibility of their greater cause.

Nowhere in the country do such topics remain in a lighthearted perspective more than in Orofino, Idaho. That's the site of the state's mental hospital. The local high school's teams are called the Maniacs.

No one protests, unless the teams don't play hard.

When Giving Really Hurts

Oil isn't the only thing the Nigerians are exporting these days ...

It's rare that a country's best-known products can list a scam as a major source of income, but the Nigerians have done it. In fact, they've virtually turned it into an art form.

You'd think that anyone with an e-mail address would be wise to the ploy by now. I've even heard contemporary comedian Louis Black draw laughs at the mere mention of receiving a message from Nigeria. And yet, the scam remains alive and well and raking in the money.

If you're one of the lucky few who hasn't seen the scheme, it's as ridiculously simple as it is ridiculous that people fall for it. An e-mail appears out of the blue, announcing that a rich Nigerian uncle, tribal lord or general has died and his estate is unclaimed. It includes a request for assistance by stepping forward --- the manner of doing so varies --- to stake a 'legitimate' right to what they say is mega-millions of dollars. Once they land a 'mark,' they reel him in slowly, responding that all is in order, but a small fee has to be paid here or a bit of a bribe must be made there or a special export license must be obtained. They're smooth, and they can usually drain the mark's wallet of $8,000 - $20,000 before the mark realizes he's been had.

A few of those who have been swindled attempt to go to Nigeria to seek justice, but it's almost always fruitless. The exit scenarios for the scam artists are worthy of being ranked with the finale of The Sting.

Believe it or not, even the Nigerian central bank leases office space to outsiders and does a poor job of monitoring who has access to their services. Thus, it's possible for phone and fax numbers to actually originate from the central bank building without the central bank being involved. That alone has been good for generating graft in substantial amounts.

Nothing succeeds like success, it seems, so what works for Nigerian con artists is now in the works for those in other exotic locations. One cynical variation on this theme now emanates from the Middle East. This scenario doesn't even bother with having the 'rich guy' die. Instead, the message tugs at a mark's spiritual strings. Here's an abbreviated example:

"Dear Friend,

"My name is Mohammed a merchant in Dubai, have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defied all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

"Now that God Is About To Call me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give also to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in Malaysia.

"Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. before I became ill. Please I Beg You In The name of Allah to Help Me. Help Me To Take The Money To Any Orphanage Home Close To You. I Believe That You Would Offer This Service For Humanity Sake. If You Can Help Me. Mail Me back. May the Good Allah Bless You And Your Family. I Await Your Response.

"Regards.

"Mohammed"

I'm reminded of that famous cover on National Lampoon magazine, where a hand holding a revolver is pressed against a wary pet's head, under the caption, "Buy This Magazine or We'll Shoot This Dog."

Poor taste? Probably. Dark humor? Definitely.

That was an obvious parody, but I've heard it was the best-selling National Lampoon issue of all time.

Given the success of the 'Nigerian' scam, I now look back at that stunt and wonder how many of those issues were sold because some people actually wanted to save the dog!

Seeking to target marks with similar emotions to the would-be 'dog savers,' the perpetrators of the Dubai scam have no doubt purchased an e-mail list from a 'quasi-spammer' who would have harvested those addresses by fabricating an 'inspirational' anecdote about some poor kid dying of terminal cancer who 'just wants to meet Jesus' or about a man whose boat capsized at sea and chose to save his son's friend from drowning rather than his son, because his son's soul 'was already saved' and he wanted the friend to 'find God,' at which point the friend obligingly grew up to become a pastor.

Every time someone is so moved by one of these fables that they forward it to their entire mailing list, a 'cookie' implanted in the message also registers those addresses with the party who first originated the message. Thus, when the 'quasi-spammer' uses or sells the resultant mailing list, he's on the fringe of legitimacy in doing so. This is because it could be considered as an opt-in list.

Once Mohammed in Dubai gets a response out of sympathy --- spiced, no doubt, with a heavy dose of greed --- the process of draining the mark can begin. First, a rosy scene will be presented. Then, a small procedural item will arise that incurs a cost which the mark will be requested to 'help' cover. The required mode of cash transfer will probably be Western Union or a similar service, which can make the recipient very hard to trace. This will continue until the mark's frustration finally overcomes his gullibility, and Mohammed will simply move along to the next one, 'profit' in hand.

The moral of this story has nothing to do with something 'too good to be true,' because, frankly, there are some things out there that are 'too good' and happen to be true. With that thought in mind, the real moral is that there is no substitute for research and verification. Either a situation and/or its elements can be confirmed or it cannot, and that confirmation must have a direct and logical linkage. If that cannot be done, no matter how attractive or humane an offer like Mohammed's in Dubai might be, don't even consider it.

The trade deficit is bad enough as it is.

Spin Cycle

It's possible that a seminal moment in the history of electronic news occurred when a comedian confronted commentators ...

Not long after Jon Stewart --- host of the Comedy Central cable channel's amusing newscast, The Daily Show --- appeared on CNN's staid Crossfire and roundly scorched its principals in a well-publicized confrontation over journalistic integrity (or the lack thereof), the news network announced that Crossfire was being cancelled. Ostensibly, the network said this move was due to the departure of conservative commentator Tucker Carlson. However, he wasn't the original 'right-wing' representative on that show and there were surely more of that flock who would have willingly stepped into the position. CNN has probably assembled a litany of rationalizations for their decision to dump the program, but none of them will dare to broach the actual undertone of perception that would trump anything on their list:

In this day an age in the USA, a comedy show is more adept than a news show at presenting current events.

The crux of the matter is that contemporary electronic journalism is just as subject to the Prime Tenet of Marketing as any sales campaign would be, ie- to be successful, it is imperative to 'sell the sizzle and not the steak.'

Viewing this contention from another angle, respected newsman Ted Koeppel almost saw his redoubtable Nightline program shelved in favor of yet another late-night talk show featuring a comedian. Now that he's retiring, it's notable that the program will shift directions anyway, seemingly to assume a 'lighter' appearance in presentation to presumably better compete with the entertainers.

The sorrowful corollary of this point is that not only do the news operations overly heed the 'sizzle' mantra, so do many of the organizations who feed them their details. In the battle for dominance and perception, 'spin' is paramount.

Slanting a report to influence its perception has been in existence since the dawn of time, when Reporterpithicus --- or whatever version of man existed back then --- first related to someone else what someone told him. The tendency to spin has now evolved to where it has innately seeped into a troubling number of major news organizations. Anyone who has viewed a moment of Fox News can see for themselves how blatantly they have embraced this trend to promote their conservative leanings. MSNBC seems to be unusually beholden to the corporate world. CNN appears to abide the techniques of spin so as to not have their ratings erode any further.

Such policies clearly resonate in the minds and actions of their reporters in the field. Most seem to blithely absorb the spin given them by corporate and government spokesmen, given the bulk of milquetoast questions that now populate press conferences. Such practices and policies allow the Tucker Carlsons, Bill O'Reillys and Robert Novaks of the world to run amok, apparently encouraged to talk over any dissenting viewpoint as if they were thinly-veiled Jerry Springer clones in a stodgier setting.

Add the consideration that so many of those corporate and government spokesmen are so singly simple-minded about the message they're spinning, and it's no wonder a comedy offering like The Daily Show has risen in pop credibility to a level of perception that rivals the news programs. With so many thin platforms of substance just waiting to be skewered, Jon Stewart and his staff gladly accept a veritable cornucopia of material with every day's harvest of sound bites. The punch lines contained therein seem to literally grab them by the lapels and insist to be written.

If you want to confirm that point, watch an episode and see how many times Mr Stewart merely needs to raise his eyebrows after a sound bite in order to draw guffaws.

Toss in the fact that Comedy Central's video-to-mobile service is better defined for content than any of the news organizations, and The Daily Show is further cementing its image as the 'cool' news outlet for the younger set of voting age.

It's notable that, in late-20th century American politics, when media 'cool' was on the ascent, Democrats won elections. It was true for John F Kennedy, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton, and if that party could ever find a leader, it might be true again.

One would think the Republicans might take a hint and go back to the straight talk that struck enough of a nerve with voters to put them in the majority. Currently, that would advisably include an element of fallibility and contrition over recent policies and events. It remains to be seen if anyone in that camp is forthright enough to admit as much.

Otherwise, it's all but inevitable that the obfuscation of news spin and comedy fodder will further lower the quality of daily electronic information to a series of straight lines that grew from Chevy Chase's Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live portraying Gerald Ford as a bumbler and has now progressed to the possibility of The Daily Show becoming an A-list stop on the itinerary of any legitimate candidate.

With all due respect to that excellent comedy series, if such a thing ever happened, it wouldn't be breaking news. It would be broken news.

Free eCard Stuffers

The holiday season is rapidly approaching, so allow me to do a favor to your wallet whilst assisting you with the spirit of giving ...

Cyberspace is loaded with free items that can even make opening Christmas cards a pleasant surprise. It won't cost you anything, for example, to postscript your greeting with a URL that leads to something enjoyably free.

If you know someone who likes games, there are five sites you might want to share:

1. GameDept.com features a number of free online games, from actionware to puzzles. The list is often updated and includes a rating system that is quite useful in making selections.

2. PlayerPlaza.com allows the stakes to be raised, if so desired. Not only do they have free games that allow for online competition, they also include the option of playing for money. This is a site for the pro who really thinks they're a pro.

3. Mindgames is for the Mensa candidates. Its menu is composed mostly of card, board and word games that, to quote them, are 'an eclectic collection ... to challenge the mind.'

4. Download Free Games has over 200 items on offer. The site also does well with providing developers' details and game descriptions.

5. Free Games could be the best of the lot. The quality of the software is excellent, the downloading is elementary and the variety is vast.

Of course, many cybernauts even deliver their holiday cards via e-mail. There are a number of sources for free greeting cards, and here are three of them:

1. Funny eCards has something for any occasion, with a good assortment of animated offerings.

2. 1000 Greeting Cards is true to their name, which means they have a selection for any and every occasion under the sun. Most, if not all, have the capacity for personalized messages, so they're a good choice for adding the URL of a freeware site.

3. Ace Greetings has a well-designed home page that displays its menu quickly and throughly. I also share Longer Life's belief that ads are considered content on websites --- if you're not checking a good site's ads, you're probably missing a great deal of good information --- and the ads on Ace are useful leads to even more high-quality e-card providers.

It's not uncommon to give lottery tickets as gifts these days. You can expand on that theme by giving the URLs to these three sites, as long as you inform your recipient that a registration task is involved:

1. The 'I Won Cash Giveaway' puts $10,000 on the line every day, along with other monthly prizes. This is a portal site, so be ready to complete a questionnaire.

2. Win4Now is for British residents only, with a prize list that spans from cash to electronics.

3. The Daily Draw says 'Win a million for free!' to get your attention, and if you're a British resident, their online lottery game gives you a daily chance to match four, five or six numbers and hit the bigtime.

USA residents can offer URLs that offer opportunities to win a Chrysler Crossfire or a Harley-Davidson V-Rod. The British can try to drive away in the new five-door hatchback Seat Leon by requesting a brochure at the bottom right side of the homepage.

Nothing says 'special occasion' quite like fragrances --- just ask the Wise Men who brought frankincense and myrrh to the manger --- so here are three 'sampling' sites to keep the tradition going:

1. Lacoste Essential UK sends you a postcard 'tester,' so preface your URL 'gift' by saying so in a warmly personal way, such as 'if it works once, you'll know it will work again!'

2. Hugo Boss UK has three samplings to give in return for responding to a short survey.

3. Stetson Black is new on the market, and is available in the USA while supplies last.

American men and women can also ensure smooth and sheer holidays, compliments of your consideration and Gillette. They're offering a free M3 Power or Venus Design (a $10 value each) in return for your completion of an online registration form and subscription to a free sponsored offer of your choice.

I'd like to mention one final thought for those Americans who might have been victimized by the economy or the elements or both. Cool Savings allows you to download and print coupons from a variety of sources. They're good for groceries, baby items, pet items, diets, travel and free samples. It's free to register at their site, and the novelty of being able to use your own printer to get the coupons is a sufficiently unique approach to pierce the pride of anyone who might not otherwise accept a bit of charity.

A few keystrokes can spread a lot of good will, both now and at the last minute. Here's to a good start.

DXRedux

In any financial system of promise, it is a given that speculators from snake-oil salesmen to profiteers will find their way into it ...

Thus, it is a responsibility of the system to account for limiting the effect of those entities on its operations, for its own sake and that of its participants.

It seems that's what the DXinOne system is doing right now, and for good reason. This tenet is a huge consideration for any entity of substantial means who may be evaluating the DXiO system as a viable placement of financial resources on either a mercantile or equity-participation basis.

As an analogy for why this is so important, let's look at New York's stock market crash of 1929.

A slowing economy at the time did indeed converge with margin-buying formats that were thinly supported by actual liquidity. However, the market was performing in an acceptable manner. In fact, except for those five fateful days of panic selling in Sep 1929, the market continued to perform in an acceptable manner.

It is now widely held that the underlying cause of the crash was an overly restrictive monetary policy by the Federal Reserve. That summer, they tightened their gold outflow (the dollar was still gold-backed in those days) in conjunction with raising the discount rate. Thus, when the economy began to slow, money supply in the market became more and more limited. The Fed's pressure on the banks and brokerage houses had restricted their cash reserves, so they were forced to begin making margin calls.

Investors were caught in two vices, as their cash flow had slowed to a trickle and their portfolios were overinflated. The crash became inevitable and the losses to many were insurmountable.

That should be the real moral to the story, as regards DXiO or any other market-economy model.

This scenario was a primary reason why the USA government imposed two items of legislation that form the cornerstones of the financial world today:

1. The Securities Act of 1933, which required full disclosure regarding the asset base of publicly-traded securities; and

2. The Securities and Exchange Act of 1934, which created the governing authority (the Securities and Exchange Commission) to regulate the industry.

DXiO is self-governing, from a practical standpoint. However, it is surely taking note of unhealthy practices in a fundamentally-sound market economy model and moving in a direction that may result in more stringent regulation. It is not uncommon to see patterns of incremental additions and/or amendments in fiscal policy in these instances, so I would argue that DXiO is currently acting in a rational and predictable manner.

Speculators were not the real cause of the 1929 crash, and I would argue that those who entered the DXiO system to exploit it (ie- assumptions of high yields with little capitalization) are not the real cause of its current stagnation. The issue, I believe, is in the relatively scant regulation afforded by the system to both protect the system from exploitation and to protect the participants from themselves (eg- overcommitment of capital to risk conditions such as the timing of capital return).

I see growing indications that DXiO is moving to address this issue. I like their method to date, as I don't believe in over-regulation and it seems that they're attempting to determine a level of governance that would be effective and acceptable to both the system itself and the independent contractors involved. Clearly, the independent contractors have considerable influence in this process. Their ablity to comprehend the system, as displayed by their own corrective and disciplined actions --- or lack thereof --- will directly affect the level of governance ultimately deemed to be necessary.

When that level is attained, I believe the DXiO system will begin to move as intended and studied entities with larger amounts of capital will then begin to commit themselves to it.

DXUpdate

It's time to take a look at how the world of e-currency exchange is faring these days ...

For the record, I'm still extremely impressed with the DXinOne concept that is described on Longer Life's 'Opportunity' page. It's very clear to me that DXiO is creating a fee-based exchange service for which a strong demand is already evident in the burgeoning world of e-commerce.

It's just as clear that the DXG 'portfolios' are an innovative form of credit enhancement designed to provide inherent bonuses for those independent contractors who operate within the DXiO system. Funds provided by these contractors are not intended to be an 'investment' in a 'securities' sense, but rather a commitment of individual working capital.

It is also obvious to ascertain that the DXG 'market' is closed-ended, so it's being strongly manipulated by DXiO to achieve whatever performance results they desire to gauge during the 'beta' exercise they're currently conducting. There is no distinct definition of what each DXG symbol represents or who controls it. The only assumption to be made is that it's related in some manner to a similar 'beta' exercise in day-term equity lending for the purpose of conducting e-currency exchanges reflected in their internal system.

If you decide to become involved, base your actions upon the following premises:

1. Do not consider revenues generated in their controlled test market to be profits; rather, they are simply capital utilization for which a cost will be assigned.

2. Budget for a year of initial involvement, as the requirements for receipt of a console --- ie- full incorporation into the system --- states terms that list a minimum of three months before its receipt is possible.

3. Your capital commitment to a controlled environment should not exceed 20% of your intended beta commitment, with the balance remaining in external accounts to which you would have total control and access, ie- e-currency accounts that were under your signature, which would allow you the flexibility to make any capital adjustments within the controlled environment that might become necessary.

4. Accept that a 'beta test' is exactly that, and many adjustments in the controlled system will be likely to occur.

My opinion from the onset has been and still is that DXiO is deploying an ingenious method of training a workforce for which no salaries will be paid and no benefits will be owed. It's a franchise system, to be sure, with each independent contractor naming his own level of commitment.

However, I have also believed from the start of my observations that DXiO is a very poor communicator of its system and its intentions, which makes its 'franchise' strategy a slight risk, not only for the independent beta contractor but for its own reputation. In the financial services sector --- both in the physical world and in cyberspace --- the latter is far more important than the former. That means that DXiO has as much or more to lose than the independent contractor (although from each individual's perspective, that is probably a difficult point to accept).

I understand DXiO's desire to accumulate as large a 'test' group as possible --- they want to be a global phenomenon, after all --- but I think that, to date, given its inability to accurately convey its business plan, the current test group may be too big for them. Under their current conditions, they're attempting to span too many cultures with too wide a range of perspectives, expectations and communication skills.

So, before any real progress can be made with their system, they're going to have to make one of three choices:

a. Set stricter parameters of operation,

b. Significantly reduce the size of the test group, or

c. Both.

I don't believe DXinOne is overly concerned with their beta-customer relations at this stage, so go into this venture knowing that you've got to find your own support. Again, I would recommend the DX4All forum. User support will only become a higher priority to DXiO when their product rollout achieves a more public profile.

Once DXiO can provide a better indication of their value and viability --- and I think their recent offerings such as Blue Chip Access portend to this point --- I believe that they will realize a higher level of capital commitment from entities who see their system's imminence as the standard for the financial sector of cyberbusiness. This will literally amount to millions of dollars and will probably trump most, if not all, complaints or assertions from beta participants.

Thus, I believe any beta participants who wish to remain involved should begin to adjust their circumstances accordingly.

Teutonic Paradise

It was the last place I thought I'd see a palm tree ...

After all, I was in Konstanz (or, as it's more commonly spelled in English, 'Constance'), situated on the German-Swiss border and the banks of the majestic Bodensee (aka 'Lake Constance').

I discovered this wonderful region on the way to Zurich from Holland a number of years ago. The history, atmosphere and activities there quickly made it one of my favorite stops in Europe.

Three countries share the Bodensee's shores --- Austria is the other one --- and the size of the lake is such that it is the horizon. I believe it's one of the deepest freshwater lakes in Europe; I know that small craft should find shelter if a storm arises. It's also one of the most pristine, which makes even the most jaded traveler want to hop one of the tour boats that calls on ports in each nation.

Konstanz was spared the destruction of World War II because the Allies didn't want to have any collateral damage affect Switzerland. The result is that Konstanz has an altstadt ('old town') which has stood the test of time. Fortunately, not only have the basic structures of medieval buildings been preserved, so have much of the artwork on their exteriors. Painted images have been preserved and sculpted accoutrements are meticulously kept, so a stroll along the cobblestone streets there gives you an air of a thousand years' history.

It's a rich history, too. Legendary King Barbarossa spent time in Konstanz. The papacy was united there during the Council of 1414-1418, which gives you an idea as to just how fractured the Catholic church was back then. The Graf von Zeppelin was born in Konstanz, which is why the first dirigible's flight in 1900 was above the Bodensee.

Then there's the Insel Mainau ('Mainau Island'). It's a botannical garden that dates back to 1740 and actually supports live palm trees year-round. Archaeologists have found traces of human settlements there that date back to 3000 BC and it's easy to see why. The region's climate is surprisingly mild, even in winter. Thus, I'm not surprised to learn that someone long ago deduced that a tropical icon like a palm tree could not only survive, but thrive there. The island has been in royal hands for centuries, with the current Count and Countess Bernadotte residing there as part of maintaining its environs in a protective foundation.

The University of Konstanz raises the level of life and living there. Its academic influence facilitates a palette of events that cater to tastes from the fine arts to sports to pure rollicking good times. Festivals occur on a monthly basis, from the universal Carnival that precedes Lent to the local weinfests (you're right in the middle of German wine country) and dorffests that feature local products and crafts as only Germans can present them.

You've got to be invited to the Konstanz Golf Club, but if you spend a few late nights frequenting the right watering holes, that's very possible. The course is surprisingly challenging, so have your game in form before trying it. The fairways are narrow, channeled between tall timbers and roaming rolling hills. Their clubhouse is reminiscent of a distinct and not-too-distant age in Germany, and its terraces are an excellent spot to quaff one of the region's local lagers.

Konstanz is only an hour-and-a-half by train from Zurich and two hours by train from Stuttgart. The local airport is a boat ride away in Friedrichshafen. You do not need a car once you arrive, either. Virtually everything is within walking distance from the town center, and that includes the boat terminals. Given the celebrations, scenery, unique shops, numerous restaurants featuring local fare and sidewalk gelati cafes, Konstanz is worth a weekend for both the business traveler and the tourist.

There is only one caveat. You'll have to enjoy the palm trees there with an ale in hand instead of coconut milk. Given the German proficiency in brewing, that will not be hard to do.

Viking Trekkies

History weaves its influence into pop culture via many avenues ...

One of the strangest is the Viking influence on Star Trek, especially The Next Generation.

Ever since that series found the airwaves, I've often wondered if one or more of its writers were descended from peoples who endured raids from the North and then used this show to exact their version of revenge.

I've always been interested in the influence that the Viking era had on western civilization, which is considerable. Here are but a few examples:

1. Vikings created the first governing legislature of 'common' citizens in history, calling their parliament a thing, which is also where the English language derived that word.

2. Viking law was the first in Europe, at least, to conduct trials with a jury of the accused's peers.

3. It was virtually 500 years before any other culture would design a ship that could travel as swiftly as a Viking dragonship (and let's not forget that those ships sailed to North America 500 years before Columbus did).

4. Four of the seven days of the week --- in the English language --- are named after Viking gods:

a. Tuesday, for Tyr - the god of truth,

b. Wednesday, for Odin - the 'Allfather' of Viking gods,

c. Thursday, for Thor - the 'thunder' god, and

d. Friday, for Frigg - Odin's first wife.

(Some scholars argue the latter is named for Frey, the god of fertility, but I'll stick with the Oxford Dictionary version, which gives the honor to Frigg.)

5. William the Conqueror was a Viking descendant; enough said.

Vikings dominated England for 300 years, so much of their language influenced English. The suffix '-by' is the Viking word for 'village,' hence city names such as Rugby and Grimsby, to name only two. The suffixes '-bury' and '-berry' are Anglicized spellings of the word 'berg' (pr: 'berry'), the Viking word for 'mountain,' hence names such as Shrewsbury, Queensbury and Shaftsbury refer to nearby landmarks.

Elsewhere, the Slavic peoples' name for Vikings was 'Rus,' meaning 'rowing men.' Viking dominance of the Slavic river systems was so prevalent that the region became known as 'Russia.' In France, King Charles the Simple was so fed up with Viking attacks on Paris that he ceded them land in exchange for a cessation of raids. The French word for Viking was 'Norman,' and the ceded region became known as Normandy. The Viking chieftain who accepted these terms was the famous Rolf the Walker (so named due to his height, as no horse was big enough to carry him); Rolf, incidentally, was the forebear of William the Conqueror.

Anyway, you get the idea. The Vikings may be gone, but their mark on our lives, even today, is indelible.

Still, it's mildly surprising to see the Viking stamp on one of the most popular science fiction series of the modern era. Not surprisingly, their 'presence' seems to be personnified by the villains.

Take the Klingons. Until they became uneasy allies of the Federation, they were the scourge of that galactic quadrant which bordered 'ours.' Their interstellar warriors' ultimate honor was to die bravely and loudly in battle. Well, back in the day, that was every Viking's ultimate honor, too. Such bravery was seen as the only way to earn an eternity in Valhalla, Odin's castle of the 'chosen' slain, where only the most valiant would reside forevermore in Viking nirvana, which consists of fighting all day and partying all night. I cannot recall the episode, but it seems the Klingons thought that was a great way to while away the afterlife, themselves.

Those guys were holdovers from the original Star Trek series and the Next Generation writers didn't have the license to make them much more sinister than that. So, they went farther into space to find two other Viking caricatures.

One was the Ferengi. The casual Trekkie might think them to be inspired by Shakespeare's stereotypical 'Shylock' in the Merchant of Venice, but the studied Viking historian notes a deeper connection of names. Vikings were known to be traders as much as fighters, and were very hard bargainers in every sense of the word. Ultimately, the King of Byzantium (which became Constantinople and is now known as Istanbul) capitalized on both of these traits and created a regiment of Viking mercenaries to become his own elite storm troopers, known as his Varangian Guard. The origin of this title was a Viking term that referred to a 'sharer of spoils,' and Varangians indeed became the best-paid troops of their time. Their ultimate goal was great wealth, and most of them got it in one way or another.

The last of the great Vikings, Harald Hardraada --- who also reigned as a great Norwegian king --- spent time as a Varangian. Legend said he stood seven feet tall, probably because his physical stature was such that he actually did tower over his adversaries. This claim was, no doubt, 'stretching' reality a bit, but he was much more typical in appearance for a Varangian than are the Trek race they inspired!

Comparisons between Varangians and Ferengi may be subtle, but there is no mistaking the connection. Nothing was subtle, though, about the Trek writers' next and most ominous incarnation of Viking stereotypes --- the Borg.

Even the name is Nordic. 'Borg' (actually pronounced 'bor-ee' in Old Norse) is the Viking word for 'fortress,' which conjures an accurate vision of their spacecraft.

Vikings fought as a collective. In one famous instance, during one of those annual sieges of Paris, the French king du jour wanted to negotiate a settlement. He was quoted as asking, "Who is your leader?" The response is one of the most famous in Viking lore: "We're all equals!"

Sound familiar, Trekkies?

Vikings were known for assimilation, too. However, theirs was the opposite of the Borg. Vikings who settled in foreign lands adapted to the local customs. William, for example, spoke French. Kiev was a Viking outpost and the first 'royal' family there was of Viking blood. Their offspring took Slavic names and spoke the local language. Yet, as I stated earlier, the Viking influence did remain. There was only one Viking empire --- King Knut's realm of Scandinavia and the British Isles lasted for 30 years --- but traces of Viking life and culture spanned all of Europe.

During the Viking era, almost every mass prayer in a European church was prefaced by 'Deliver us, O Lord, from the wrath of the Northmen.' While I do wonder if that's how Guinan (played by Whoopi Goldberg) and her planet prayed (they were among the Borg's conquests), it's clear that's how the Federation felt. Until the Enterprise found a way late in the series, resistance was futile.

That's clearly more than the Trek's writers could say. They couldn't and didn't resist taking their liberties with Viking lore. In spite of their efforts, though, the most noble of all Viking deeds remains entrenched in the Star Trek universe, given homage before every episode. Perhaps that's the ultimate irony, because in an era when other cultures feared to venture beyond view of their coastlines, the Vikings --- as evidenced by their voyages to the New World in 1000 AD --- boldly went where no man had gone before.

And they did it without a script.

Dinar in Delusion

I was lounging in a Bierstube in Germany with a couple of associates some time ago, when one acquaintance asked the other what he thought was the quickest way to become a millionaire ...

He got an obvious answer: "Change you money into lire."

At the time, he was referring to the Italian currency, and we all had a good laugh about it. Today, it seems, this punch line is being viewed in some quarters as an investment opportunity. The currency being touted, though, is the New Iraqi Dinar.

Once one is made aware of this topic, it doesn't take much of a search engine excursion to see that cyberspace is rife with dinar vendors virtually screaming about the 'opportunity' that this 'undervalued' currency presents. The pitch is simplistic, to say the least: At 0.0007 New Iraqi Dinar to the USA Dollar, and with the huge political and financial investment the Americans are making in Iraq, there is nowhere for the currency to go but up.

I'm not old enough to recall Germans needing a wheelbarrow-load of post-WWI Reichsmarks to buy a loaf of bread, but I've seen the newsreels. Forgive my bias, but even back then, Germany had a far greater economic potential than Iraq does today. The German 'recovery' stage involved a bit of a dictatorship at the first level, and even then, the Reichsmark didn't survive the transition. Neither did the 'New German' Reichsmark, for that matter.

Proponents of an optimistic dinar point to post-invasion Kuwait as a basis for their excitement. They're missing the point, though. Kuwait already had a thriving economy before the invasion, and most of it was based upon the revenues generated by oil money that was already in foreign markets. It was a simple matter for those portfolios to be restored.

The key to any investment such as Forex is not in the currency's potential, but in the economy to which it is tied. By that measure, the New Iraqi Dinar is not an investment, it's a pure gamble. And frankly, at this point, it's not a very smart one.

There's an abundance of sage advice on the topic in cyberspace, such as an article at CNN Money, where Senior Editor Walter Updegrave not only underscores the point about economy being the key factor in currency value, he also says, "Given the difficulty of predicting currency movements, I'm not even a big proponent of investing in established currencies like the euro or the yen."

A substantial summary of the current and near-term dinar situation can also be found at my favorite currency exchange rate site, XE.com. Their restrained incredulity at the very prospect of considering a purchase of dinars is quite telling.

Now, if you're looking for a more direct analysis, try this conclusion, in reference to those who advocate investing in Iraqi dinar:

"A bunch of small time financially illiterate currency speculators. I suppose of the 'dot.com boom' day-trading mentality, I find it somewhere between attractive and pitiful their complete cluelessness as to the risks they are running."

The author is Collier Lounsbury, a learned man in the ways of finance who has spent time on assignment in Iraq. His Live Journal includes archived postings that contain strong and substantial comments regarding the dinar. For instance, "I don't see Iraqi currency appreciation of a significant level in the near term - so one has to seriously discount the potential returns. 2-3 years down the road, but in the meantime one has X amount of capital sitting in uninsured money market instruments or cash in a box? I'd rather play with equity that is actually getting to work - but that is a personal prejudice. I can see in that context making some bets on Iraqi stocks - like extreme sports - but frankly given the lack of transparency, my bias would be to control (unless of course we're taking petty amounts, then it's like a lottery ticket, amusement)."

I like a guy who doesn't mince words, and so I'd like to continue quoting Lounsbury:

"It is not investing in Iraq that I am mocking - as anyone delving in this journal would know, I worked on several projects in re direct equity investments in Iraq and am close to people putting real money into private equity vehicles.

"It is rather the giddy lack of realism and cluelessness that dominates the ('Invest in Dinars!' website). Retail investors going into Iraq is simply idiotic. If they want exposure to Iraqi opportunities, a more regulated and marginally safer environment like Jordan would be far more intelligent.

"The majority are looking at this situ through the lens of politics, not rational opportunity analysis."

From my perspective, I draw little distinction between the 'amusement' subtly derided by Lounsbury and 'affluent decadence.' If you have investment funds you can truly afford to either lose or let sit for a long while, do something more socially responsible with it. For example, put it to use in the Iraqi financial market (such as it is) if you're looking for a profit. At least that way, you're providing working capital for someone who is already there and has a vested interest in building long-term prosperity for all involved.

Better yet, realize a more immediate benefit from your money --- like getting a genuine tax deduction --- and donate it to a humanitarian Iraqi cause. Given the daily devastation there, funds you consider disposable will be received as vital and appreciated more than you'll ever know.

During the process of your donation, the conversion rate would, for a short while, make you a dinar millionaire, so you could at least lay a momentary claim to the title. At the same time, the good you'd be doing would also allow you to feel like a millionaire.

You'll be achieving wealth on a higher plane, and that will never be devalued.

Google's Long Shadow

Somewhere, a retired small-store owner is reading the New York Times and smiling ...

This is a condensed version of an article they recently published:

The Google Effect: It's Got Wal-Mart and Others Worried

by Steve Lohr

Wal-Mart, the USA's largest retailer, strikes fear in the hearts of its competitors and suppliers. Makers of goods from diapers to DVDs must cater to its whims. But there is one company that even Wal-Mart eyes warily these days: Google, a 7-year-old business in a seemingly distant industry.

"We watch Google very closely at Wal-Mart," said Jim Breyer, a member of Wal-Mart's board.

In Google, Wal-Mart sees both a technology pioneer and the seed of a threat, said Breyer, who is also a partner in a venture-capital firm. The worry is that by making information available everywhere, Google might soon be able to tell Wal-Mart shoppers if better bargains are available nearby.

Wal-Mart is scarcely alone in its concern. As Google increasingly becomes the starting point for finding information and buying products and services, companies that even a year ago did not see themselves as competing with Google are beginning to view the company with some angst, mixed with admiration.

Google's recent moves have stirred concern in industries from book publishing to telecommunications. Businesses already feeling the Google effect include advertising, software and the news media. Apart from retailing, Google's disruptive presence may soon be felt in real estate and auto sales.

Google, the reigning giant of Web search, could extend its economic reach in the next few years as more people get high-speed Internet service and cellphones become full-fledged search tools, according to analysts. And ever-smarter software, they say, will cull and organize larger and larger digital storehouses of news, images, real-estate listings and traffic reports, delivering results that are more like the advice of a trusted human expert.

Such advances, predicts Esther Dyson, a technology consultant, will bring "a huge reduction in inefficiency everywhere." That, in turn, would be an unsettling force for all sorts of industries and workers. But it also would reward consumers with lower prices and open up opportunities for new companies.

Many a local supply store was shuttered in the name of Wal-Mart's self-described 'service to the consumers' by slashing product prices by virtue of their ability to smash overheads with massive volume discounts that no independent owner could match. Their presence in both urban and rural areas has significantly neutered the unique nature of main streets and shopping centers.

Now, it seems another phenomenon is forthcoming that could alter the landscape again, and if Wal-Mart wants to be a part of it, some serious re-thinking might be in order.

As the New York Times article states, the effects will be far-reaching:

Among the many projects being developed and debated inside Google is a real-estate service, according to a person who has attended meetings on the proposal. The concept, the person said, would be to improve the capabilities of its satellite imaging, maps and local search, and combine them with property listings.

The service, this person said, could make house-hunting far more efficient, requiring potential buyers to visit fewer real-estate agents and houses. If successful, it would be another magnet for the text ads that appear next to search results, the source of most of Google's revenue.

In telecommunications, the company has made a number of moves that have grabbed the attention of industry executives. It has been buying fiber-optic cable capacity in the United States and has invested in a company delivering high-speed Internet access over power lines. And it is participating in an experiment to provide free wireless Internet access in San Francisco.

That has led to speculation that the company wants to build a national free GoogleNet, paid for mostly by advertising. And Google executives seem to delight in dropping tantalizing, if vague, hints. "We focus on access to the information as much as the search itself, because you need both," Schmidt said in an analysts' conference call last month.

Not many lamented the loss of the village blacksmith. Superstores like Wal-Mart made the five-and-dime store a historical footnote. Now, as appears inevitable, it's their turn to either adapt or watch the world pass them by. If they go, it would be noted with much less sentimentality than there was for their predecessors.

Personally, I'm all for the change. I'm well on record as advocating more e-commerce as a means of improving the quality of living. I actually believe that cyber-markets replacing hypermarkets may indeed lead to more commercial investment into service industries that are more unique to their local communities. After all, niche conveniences --- specialty restaurants or customized services, for example --- would be more difficult to suspersede in cyberspace.

If this scenario ultimately proves to be accurate, the result could be the best of ironies: Centralized merchandising would precipitate greater personalization in local merchants. Main streets and shopping centers would regain distinct identities. There might even be room for a metamorphosed Wal-Mart.

Internet search, like personal computing in its heyday, is a disruptive technology, Wal-Mart director Breyer said, threatening traditional industries and opening the door to new ones. "We think there is plenty of opportunity for innovation in the Google economy," Breyer said.

I, for one, am ready to see it.

The Ultimate Cyberphone

I saw the latest press release from Nokia the other day, announcing their new additions of 'smart' phones or, as I prefer to call them, cyberphones ...

They're adding to their N-Series, which, frankly, needed the reinforcements. PC Magazine was the most thorough with their description of the new products, and I encourage you to read it.

I'll be interested in seeing how these units perform, but so far, my recommendation for the true cybernaut is Nokia's 7710 model.

I had already spent a long time looking for a mobile unit that would reliably combine the best features of a laptop and handset when the 7710 appeared on the scene late last year. With its wide screen, ample memory, PC connectivity and handwriting recognition features, all that needed to be confirmed to me was its performance in the real world. I have not been disappointed.

Among other things, I can utilize the 7710 to easily write this column and submit it. I can make and store videos and still images, save and replay tunes, keep an appointment schedule up to date and cybercruise to my heart's content, easily and quickly. Again, navigation is very simple, thanks to the accompanying stylus; it can be set for varying sensitivities, so once you orient it to your style of writing, you get a most reliable performance from it.

Given its size, the 7710 can be slightly unwieldy as a phone, but a good Bluetooth headset --- the Motorola HS805 is a great choice --- solves that issue. If there is any drawback to the 7710's phone properties, I'd point to the Caller ID function, due to the mere inconvenience of having to remove the 7710 from its belt-case in order to view the screen. Given the proclivity of wireless headsets during the past year, the tendency for others to stop and stare at Bluetooth users in action has diminished. So, if you're the self-conscious sort, that's one less concern to consider.

The N-Series mobile phones look to be more oriented to those who want a phone first and cyberspace luxuries occasionally. There is surely a growing market for such products. However, if someone else's luxury is your necessity, you should be using a 7710.

Perhaps these units aren't as trendy as, say, a Blackberry or a Treo, but unless you really want to enter your thumbs in the next Olympic games or squint at detailed images on a smaller screen, the 7710 is a better deal. Over the years, I've noticed that rollout models in audio and video equipment are 'overbuilt,' ie- loaded with more quality features than the price might warrant in order to ensure their success in the marketplace. After just under a year of personal usage, I now think the 7710 falls into that category.

As such, I find it interesting that each model in the new N-Series seems to contain some of the properties of the 7710, but not all of them. That would concur with the second stage of rollout model marketing, which is sub-dividing the model and then sorting the feature menus of those models to accommodate varying price ranges. Thus, the consumer must revert back to a choice of unit, depending upon his priorities. This is profitable for the manufacturer, of course, because it allows for the seepage of product obsolescence, ie- outdating, which in turn means the consumer and his wallet will be back in the marketplace sooner rather than later, which equates to the potential for more profits.

As quickly as hi-tech products advance in sophistication, such a marketing plan becomes more of a logical approach than a cynical one. However, there are exceptions to the rule, and it's my contention that the Nokia 7710 is one of them. The company overbuilt it, I've got it, and it's made me a happy Cyberiter. The 7710 has made the beach, the bar --- or anywhere else for that matter --- truly become my office. Besides its being more innocuous, there are no Wi-Fi restraints and I don't have to pack and unpack a shoulderbag everywhere I go.

If the 7710 isn't the next level of practical cybernautics, then the next level is yet to exist. However, I'm glad to report that it has indeed been here since late 2004. Thank you, Nokia.

The Niche Jerk

Here is the first rule anyone learns who is even remotely concerned with marketing ...

"Sell the sizzle and not the steak."

In other words, an appeal to what excites the consumer is much more effective than the properties of the product. This is not necessarily deceptive. In many cases, products can be so similar that the only real difference among them is in their perception, ie- 'sizzle,' by the public.

If ever anyone in cyberspace has excelled with this principle, it's The Rich Jerk.

If you've done any significant cybercruising, you've surely encountered his promotional campaign. His spiel is impressively creative. He claims that he's rich, not necessarily because he works harder than you, but because he's better than you. As a result, he doesn't really care what you think about him or whether you're interested in buying his product. However, he makes it very clear that it's due to his product that he can claim his arrogant superiority over you and everyone else.

The Rich Jerk could be the Don Rickles of the 21st century. He revels in spewing insults at his audience, and the more he wallows in rudeness, the more effective his message becomes. Some readers may not be amused by his angle, but most recognize that he goes so over the top with his approach that his point is made. He purports to be so financially free that it doesn't matter what others think of him, and therein lies the sizzle.

The Rich Jerk's product is a mere staple of cyberspace: he's selling a work-at-home internet business concept. There's nothing earth-shaking in his content. It's basically the same as what everyone else in the genre is selling:

1) Find a product,

2) Get a website,

3) Promote the product,

4) Reap the profits.

The Rich Jerk has some leads that may expedite the process, but none of those are anything exceptional, either. Results will vary. Few will join him in richness.

Still, that's not the Rich Jerk's issue. His job is selling his product. He's doing it legally and effectively. As far as I'm concerned, he's merely selling the cyber-equivalent of bottled water; he's taking something you can get for free, putting an aura around it and getting you to pay for it. Willingly.

Another principle taught in marketing is that of cognitive dissonance. Basically, this term infers that consumers have a tendency to justify their purchase of a product by noting its advantages to them and downplaying any disadvantages. For example, in this case, they'd say they've bought a step-by-step tutorial for getting into a work-at-home business and have saved time over anyone trying to gather all that information by themselves, even though the task can be done for free with a bit of search-engineering. Almost every positive comment I've seen about The Rich Jerk's product confirms this tendency.

Thus, the Rich Jerk has his bases covered. His sizzle is alluring, his product may be obvious, but it's legitimate and his aftermarket has afterglow.

Not only has the Rich Jerk seemingly done well for himself, he's spawned a cottage industry for others. Copycats are abounding. So far, I've already seen ads for the Money King and The Rich Pig; more are probably on the way. They're poor imitations, but in cyberspace, duplication is a successful form of flattery. They might actually profit from their near-plagiarism.

There is one facet of Jerkdom that is worth calling to your attention, though, which involves the third sales principle I'd like to mention: incentive marketing. This involves giving a consumer something for nothing, in some manner, in order to realize a profit.

Enter The Free Jerk. He's offering to give you the Rich Jerk product, legally, in return for your simply reading his critique of it. That's his product.

The Free Jerk profits because you're going to first pay for the Rich Jerk's product, after which The Free Jerk gives you a 100% rebate. In effect, he's 'sharing' the affiliate's commission he receives from The Rich Jerk for your purchase. He makes up the financial difference --- and then some --- by directing your details, for another commission, to major cyberspace advertisers who see you as an 'active' cyber-consumer. Thus, he realizes a net profit and you get what becomes a 'free' copy of the Rich Jerk's product. You also get directed to additional advertising, but The Free Jerk tells you in advance that it's coming your way, so you do have a choice.

Thus, the Jerk industry is a niche of ironies. Sizzle is on sale, and if you're so inclined, you can accept someone else's sizzle in exchange for being exposed to further sizzle in order to acquire the original sizzle for nothing more than a bit of after-sizzle.

And while all this is in process, someone's making money and everyone has the possibility of being satisfied with their end of the deal.

As the consumer who catalyzes this Jerk-a-thon, perhaps that makes you the Niche Jerk.

Marketing is indeed alive and well in cyberspace.