When Giving Really Hurts

Oil isn't the only thing the Nigerians are exporting these days ...

It's rare that a country's best-known products can list a scam as a major source of income, but the Nigerians have done it. In fact, they've virtually turned it into an art form.

You'd think that anyone with an e-mail address would be wise to the ploy by now. I've even heard contemporary comedian Louis Black draw laughs at the mere mention of receiving a message from Nigeria. And yet, the scam remains alive and well and raking in the money.

If you're one of the lucky few who hasn't seen the scheme, it's as ridiculously simple as it is ridiculous that people fall for it. An e-mail appears out of the blue, announcing that a rich Nigerian uncle, tribal lord or general has died and his estate is unclaimed. It includes a request for assistance by stepping forward --- the manner of doing so varies --- to stake a 'legitimate' right to what they say is mega-millions of dollars. Once they land a 'mark,' they reel him in slowly, responding that all is in order, but a small fee has to be paid here or a bit of a bribe must be made there or a special export license must be obtained. They're smooth, and they can usually drain the mark's wallet of $8,000 - $20,000 before the mark realizes he's been had.

A few of those who have been swindled attempt to go to Nigeria to seek justice, but it's almost always fruitless. The exit scenarios for the scam artists are worthy of being ranked with the finale of The Sting.

Believe it or not, even the Nigerian central bank leases office space to outsiders and does a poor job of monitoring who has access to their services. Thus, it's possible for phone and fax numbers to actually originate from the central bank building without the central bank being involved. That alone has been good for generating graft in substantial amounts.

Nothing succeeds like success, it seems, so what works for Nigerian con artists is now in the works for those in other exotic locations. One cynical variation on this theme now emanates from the Middle East. This scenario doesn't even bother with having the 'rich guy' die. Instead, the message tugs at a mark's spiritual strings. Here's an abbreviated example:

"Dear Friend,

"My name is Mohammed a merchant in Dubai, have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defied all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

"Now that God Is About To Call me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give also to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in Malaysia.

"Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. before I became ill. Please I Beg You In The name of Allah to Help Me. Help Me To Take The Money To Any Orphanage Home Close To You. I Believe That You Would Offer This Service For Humanity Sake. If You Can Help Me. Mail Me back. May the Good Allah Bless You And Your Family. I Await Your Response.

"Regards.

"Mohammed"

I'm reminded of that famous cover on National Lampoon magazine, where a hand holding a revolver is pressed against a wary pet's head, under the caption, "Buy This Magazine or We'll Shoot This Dog."

Poor taste? Probably. Dark humor? Definitely.

That was an obvious parody, but I've heard it was the best-selling National Lampoon issue of all time.

Given the success of the 'Nigerian' scam, I now look back at that stunt and wonder how many of those issues were sold because some people actually wanted to save the dog!

Seeking to target marks with similar emotions to the would-be 'dog savers,' the perpetrators of the Dubai scam have no doubt purchased an e-mail list from a 'quasi-spammer' who would have harvested those addresses by fabricating an 'inspirational' anecdote about some poor kid dying of terminal cancer who 'just wants to meet Jesus' or about a man whose boat capsized at sea and chose to save his son's friend from drowning rather than his son, because his son's soul 'was already saved' and he wanted the friend to 'find God,' at which point the friend obligingly grew up to become a pastor.

Every time someone is so moved by one of these fables that they forward it to their entire mailing list, a 'cookie' implanted in the message also registers those addresses with the party who first originated the message. Thus, when the 'quasi-spammer' uses or sells the resultant mailing list, he's on the fringe of legitimacy in doing so. This is because it could be considered as an opt-in list.

Once Mohammed in Dubai gets a response out of sympathy --- spiced, no doubt, with a heavy dose of greed --- the process of draining the mark can begin. First, a rosy scene will be presented. Then, a small procedural item will arise that incurs a cost which the mark will be requested to 'help' cover. The required mode of cash transfer will probably be Western Union or a similar service, which can make the recipient very hard to trace. This will continue until the mark's frustration finally overcomes his gullibility, and Mohammed will simply move along to the next one, 'profit' in hand.

The moral of this story has nothing to do with something 'too good to be true,' because, frankly, there are some things out there that are 'too good' and happen to be true. With that thought in mind, the real moral is that there is no substitute for research and verification. Either a situation and/or its elements can be confirmed or it cannot, and that confirmation must have a direct and logical linkage. If that cannot be done, no matter how attractive or humane an offer like Mohammed's in Dubai might be, don't even consider it.

The trade deficit is bad enough as it is.